2010
2009 has been a bizarre year for me.
Mentally, however was quite a struggle this year. I have the need to search for perfection but I am far from being one. I feel that I have not achieve anything significant throughout my 5 years of working life. I have begun to blame myself as to why haven't I got this fire in me to burn and to break through. I feel I am not earning enough. I feel that I know don't how to keep good relations in the office and externally. I am lacking creativity when I needed it. And what worries me most is that I can't write anymore. Not that I can or am good at it before but business writing at work isn't easy at all. I despise to be seen as incompetent but that is what I am.
At some point, work has been dreadful. I really felt that I am just in work for the sake of being in work. Being alone without supervision has deterred my growth. I have slacked tremendously. I have become the master of blaming the environment. This is simply an excuse. It was an opportunity but somehow I didn't appreciate it. Handling everything my own is not easy and somehow things got piled and yet again, I am seen as incompetent - someone not worthy of the position that has been given to me. Perhaps I am indeed a follower and not a leader and I need to be lead in order to perform.
If there is one thing that at all that 2009 has thought me, it would be - support and encouragement. And this wasn't an easy one to learn at all. I always thought I was a supportive person or at least I always thought I knew what to say to someone when they are down and in need of encouragement, words of wisdom, advice but sadly what I did was more damaging than healing to the person I love most. It is true that only when you are with the closest and dearest person you tend to show your true colours. And I certainly did. I could tell a friend that he is able to move mountains, to go the distance but I couldn't with my loved one. It has become my nature to blurt out the bad and keep the good. It was easy for me to tell him what he did wrong, what he should do, what he shouldn't do, this is better, this is not. Not that I know better than him but I sure talk like I do. So I am indeed egoistic. I have high expectations and expect people to reach my standards and it all turned to be a hurtful guessing game.
On a different note, 2009 did bring me happy moments. I've quenched my EDM thirst at Freedom to watch Ferry Corsten, Above & Beyond at A'Famosa. We had our happy trip at Jonker Street while we were there. I have attended two of my good friend's wedding - Felicia and Michelle. We went to our first out of country holiday - Bangkok and have spent the best days of the year there. We got to watch Armin up close and personal, inches away from me and even got his signature (after screaming like a mad teenager would to a Jonas) And of course the main highlight of the year is that I am officially engaged :) I am happy to be happy.
So my new year's resolution for the year of 2010:
1) understand differences and work to meet a balance
2) think less bad thoughts about anything or anyone
3) try not to be stubborn or worse snap at the person who is teaching you, especially when it is for your own good
and of course we have the infamous unresolved resolutions from previous years
4) save money
5) get a freakin driving licence (to note: I do know how to drive already but yea I'm a procastinator)
So here you are 2010, felt as if 2009 had never left.
Mentally, however was quite a struggle this year. I have the need to search for perfection but I am far from being one. I feel that I have not achieve anything significant throughout my 5 years of working life. I have begun to blame myself as to why haven't I got this fire in me to burn and to break through. I feel I am not earning enough. I feel that I know don't how to keep good relations in the office and externally. I am lacking creativity when I needed it. And what worries me most is that I can't write anymore. Not that I can or am good at it before but business writing at work isn't easy at all. I despise to be seen as incompetent but that is what I am.
At some point, work has been dreadful. I really felt that I am just in work for the sake of being in work. Being alone without supervision has deterred my growth. I have slacked tremendously. I have become the master of blaming the environment. This is simply an excuse. It was an opportunity but somehow I didn't appreciate it. Handling everything my own is not easy and somehow things got piled and yet again, I am seen as incompetent - someone not worthy of the position that has been given to me. Perhaps I am indeed a follower and not a leader and I need to be lead in order to perform.
If there is one thing that at all that 2009 has thought me, it would be - support and encouragement. And this wasn't an easy one to learn at all. I always thought I was a supportive person or at least I always thought I knew what to say to someone when they are down and in need of encouragement, words of wisdom, advice but sadly what I did was more damaging than healing to the person I love most. It is true that only when you are with the closest and dearest person you tend to show your true colours. And I certainly did. I could tell a friend that he is able to move mountains, to go the distance but I couldn't with my loved one. It has become my nature to blurt out the bad and keep the good. It was easy for me to tell him what he did wrong, what he should do, what he shouldn't do, this is better, this is not. Not that I know better than him but I sure talk like I do. So I am indeed egoistic. I have high expectations and expect people to reach my standards and it all turned to be a hurtful guessing game.
On a different note, 2009 did bring me happy moments. I've quenched my EDM thirst at Freedom to watch Ferry Corsten, Above & Beyond at A'Famosa. We had our happy trip at Jonker Street while we were there. I have attended two of my good friend's wedding - Felicia and Michelle. We went to our first out of country holiday - Bangkok and have spent the best days of the year there. We got to watch Armin up close and personal, inches away from me and even got his signature (after screaming like a mad teenager would to a Jonas) And of course the main highlight of the year is that I am officially engaged :) I am happy to be happy.
So my new year's resolution for the year of 2010:
1) understand differences and work to meet a balance
2) think less bad thoughts about anything or anyone
3) try not to be stubborn or worse snap at the person who is teaching you, especially when it is for your own good
and of course we have the infamous unresolved resolutions from previous years
4) save money
5) get a freakin driving licence (to note: I do know how to drive already but yea I'm a procastinator)
So here you are 2010, felt as if 2009 had never left.


